Navigating the dating world as a gay person has undergone significant transformation over the years. Once, members of the LGBTQ+ community had to hide their identities to fit in or ensure their safety. Now, with the rise of specialized dating apps and the mainstream acceptance of queer relationships, gay dating has entered a new era.
However, it’s not without its hurdles.
Many of my friends from the queer community frequently turn to the internet for guidance, especially when it comes to dating and relationships. I’ve known a few who’ve even turned to ChatGPT for advice on resolving conflicts with their partners. Others have consulted psychics, though I’d say that rarely yields helpful results.
No matter who you are, dating can sometimes leave us searching for a little advice. And for me, the best advice often comes directly from people who’ve been there. So, I’ve rounded up some of the best gay dating tips shared on Reddit that could be just what you need.
1. Focus Less on Whether They Like You
It’s completely normal to feel nervous before a date. Most of us experience it. The thought of opening up to someone new and potentially forming a connection can stir up a lot of anxiety, especially when we worry that the other person might not find us attractive enough or like us in return.
As human beings, we all want to be liked. But fixating on whether someone else likes you can add unnecessary stress. One Redditor put it perfectly: “Worry less about if they like you, and more about if you even like them.”
This is a great reminder to keep in mind. When I get nervous before a first date, I tell myself it’s not just about them learning about me, but also about me getting to know them too. Dates are a two-way street!
2. Be the Best Version of Yourself
Not everyone will be a fan of you — and that’s perfectly fine. Just as you’ve encountered people who weren’t your type, the same can happen with others.
The key here is not to try and please everyone. Instead, focus on being the best version of yourself. Reddit user *roferg69* offered a great analogy in a dating advice thread: “You can be the juiciest, ripest, most beautiful peach, and still, some people don’t like peaches. Focus on being the best peach you can be.”
In the end, if you’re true to yourself, you’ll either find someone who appreciates you — or, at the very least, you’ll be a “delicious” peach.
3. Take Rejection Gracefully — It’s Their Loss!
Rejection is tough, no matter how many times you’ve experienced it. If you’ve developed feelings for someone and they don’t feel the same, it’s completely okay to feel hurt. But it’s important to remember that rejection doesn’t define your worth.
One Redditor, *ThrowAwayGay888750*, shared some invaluable advice: “Position yourself emotionally so that a stranger can’t hurt your feelings. If someone’s not into you, it’s their loss.” That mindset can make all the difference. Remember, you’re worthy of love, and just because someone doesn’t reciprocate doesn’t mean you won’t find someone who does.
4. Keep It Cool Early On — Don’t Beg
There’s a popular saying that I’ve come to live by: “I don’t chase, I attract.” While it sounds a little cliché, this mentality is a great approach to dating. Rather than stressing about making someone stay or forcing a connection, *gnomon_knows* on Reddit advises to take it slow and enjoy the experience.
He shared this gem of advice: “Don’t beg. It reads clingy and desperate.” You don’t know someone well enough early on to start demanding their attention or affection. Play it cool, and if it’s meant to be, it will unfold naturally.
5. Don’t Worry — Dating Gets Easier
Everyone’s first time dating is a learning curve. If you’re new to it, you might have plenty of questions or uncertainties — and that’s completely normal. Sometimes, hearing a little reassurance can go a long way.
*EmoCreeper* posted on Reddit about being a 19-year-old navigating the gay dating world. *staysuede* responded with insightful advice from his own experience, mentioning how he broadened his horizons and eventually found better success dating once he explored more possibilities.
He said, “Once I decided to open up and explore, I found self-reliance and a better idea of what I truly wanted.” The dating world may feel overwhelming at first, but it gets easier as you go.
6. Try Hinge or OkCupid for Serious Connections
Not everyone has the same dating goals. Some might be looking for a fling, while others are hoping to find a meaningful relationship. If you’re in the latter camp, Reddit user *acurah56oh* shared their search for a committed relationship and received some great recommendations.
If you’re looking for something genuine, it’s worth trying apps like Hinge or OkCupid. Both apps cater to individuals seeking lasting relationships rather than just quick encounters. Redditors *thisdude415* and *Sandlicker* both vouch for these platforms, sharing how they found success in serious relationships there.
7. Leave Your Phone and Ex Talk at Home
First dates can be nerve-wracking, and it’s easy to make small social mistakes. But some things are more noticeable than others. *Ryuuken1127* advised against checking your phone during a date, especially when notifications pop up. Not only can it be rude, but it also sends a message that the person in front of you isn’t your priority.
Another Redditor, *Virtus11*, cautioned against discussing exes too early: “Don’t bring up your ex for at least the first few dates. Talking about your past is okay, but it’s best saved for later when the relationship is more established.”
8. Don’t Take Dating Advice Too Seriously
While Reddit is full of helpful tips, it’s important to keep in mind that everyone’s experiences are different. Take advice with a grain of salt and remember: just because something worked for someone else doesn’t mean it will work for you.
As one Redditor wisely put it: “People are sharing based on their personal experiences. Take what resonates and leave the rest.”
9. Everyone Has Their Own “Icks”
The concept of “the ick” has gained popularity on social media — that feeling of repulsion when something a partner does turns you off. It could be something small, like texting “hehe” instead of “haha,” or more significant, like smoking.
While some “icks” may seem trivial, it’s important to remember that everyone has different preferences. What turns one person off may not bother someone else at all. As long as it’s not something they can’t change, it’s okay to experience the ick from time to time.
Gay Singles Aren’t Alone
Dating in today’s world can be tough, especially when trying to find someone in the LGBTQ+ community. But remember, you’re far from alone in your journey. Reddit is filled with others who share your struggles and offer great advice.
Whether you’re seeking wisdom from a friend, a family member, or a random internet stranger, sometimes the right advice can be exactly what you need to move forward in your search for love.